Rarely Likable

All the cool kids are doing it

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?

No.

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?

Yes. I also close my eyes in enclosed water slides.

3. When’s the last time you’ve been sledding?

This past winter, three cheers for being a mom.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?

If it's above 78 degrees, get the hell away from me.

5. Do you believe in ghosts?

I lived in the same house from age 13 to 18, and sometimes at night I'd be lying in bed and I'd hear cat feet walking on my carpet. We did have a cat, but she stayed on the first floor most of the time -- and she was never there if I sat up to look. I chalked it up to teenage hormones until my mom told me that one night, when I was in college, she slept in my room because theirs was being painted. She was lying in my bed, on her back, and she felt cat-sized feet walking around her, like cats do when they're psyching themselves up to walk all around your head and annoy you. There was nothing there.

Am I saying I believe in cat ghosts? Man, I wish I wasn't.  But there it is.

6. Do you consider yourself creative?

I think I am more analytical than creative. It depresses me regularly.

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?

Sure, why not?

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?

Honestly, if I never saw either of them again it would be too soon.  But that's not an option, is it? I want to give Aniston props for Office Space, but Jolie's catalogue is more interesting overall -- and I really disliked Friends, anyway....oh hell. I sweep them both off the table, bang it with my shoe for extra emphasis, and shout "MONICA BELLUCCI!"

9. Do you stay friends with your ex’s?

When you've been with the same person for as long as I have, "ex's" takes on a slightly different definition. And my answer is, as a result, no.

10. Do you know how to play poker?

Yes. I prefer watching it to playing it, though.

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?

My personal best is 36.

12. What’s your favorite commercial?

Hey good lookin', we'll be back to pick you up later!

13. What are you allergic to?

Pet dander, tree pollen, and probably mold.

14. If you’re driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around do you run red lights?

No, because I'm always the last person to see the patrol car.

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?

Yes, and I think it's a pretty good one if you know the entire story.

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?

This is sort of like Q8. But I've never publicly professed to loathing the Sox, so....

17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?

I've walked on a skating rink without skates on, but I don't think that counts.

18. How often do you remember your dreams?

Once or twice a week. Since they really do seem to be the maintenance staff emptying my mental wastebasket, I don't pay them much mind most of the time.

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?

Talking to my sister about my old enough to know better daughter absentmindedly shoving these up her nose last week, and having to help her get them out.  We found a press release and edited it a little:

"Tweens look for unique snack options that can travel in their faces throughout their busy day," said Jenny Enochson, senior director of marketing communications, Kellogg Company. "Gripz provide kids with the freedom to have a great-tasting, convenient snack anytime, anywhere. Even up their noses!"

20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?

A Day in the Life, Mother Nature's Son, Lovely Rita, Paperback Writer, Yesterday.

21. What’s the one thing on your mind now?

After this, I've promised to play a round of War with my daughter. I've been playing War with her all week. I'm really thinking about teaching her how to play poker, just to break up this monotony.

22. Do you know who Ghetto-ass barbie is?

In the age of Google, it's really dumb to waste a question on something like this. I suggest this one be changed to "22. Have you ever shoved a Gripz up your nose? If so, which flavor?"

23. Do you always wear your seat belt?

Yes. Me not buckling up would be like an unrestrained grand piano getting flung around the car.

24. What cell service do you use?

T to tha'Mo!

25. Do you like Sushi?

Yes. I will even eat mediocre sushi.

26. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?

Yes. Looking over all of the responses to this meme, isn't it a little disconcerting how many people say "yes" to this question?

27. What do you wear to bed?

Most of the time, a t-shirt and underwear.

28. Been caught stealing?

Nope.

29. What shoe size do you have?

Women's 9.5 - 10.

30. Do you truly hate anyone?

Sadly, yes. One person. And it's not the person who's going to read this and think I'm referring to her, either. That person needs to get over herself.

31. Classic Rock or Rap?

Usually, the former. But again, it's context. Would I rather listen to Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young or Run DMC? I have to flip it. You understand.

32. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?

I'm not crazy about this question, mostly because I keep imagining some sort of high end department store that would cater to this. (I've always wanted Johnny Depp, but Skeet Ulrich looks just like him and costs a lot less!)

So, yeah. Johnny Depp.

33. Favorite Song?

"History" - The Verve.

34. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror?

No. I hate looking at myself in the mirror, much less while in motion.

35. What food do you find disgusting?

Hard boiled eggs.

36. Do you sing in the shower?

No, I prefer to sing in the car. I trick myself into thinking it looks like I have a speakerphone, but let's face it...someone with a 1998 Saturn probably does not have a speakerphone.

37. Did you ever play, “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours”?

I am as far away from an exhibitionist as one can get without being a modest clothing crusader.

38. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?

Less and less as I get older. Either I make better friends or I'm less evil. Maybe both.

39. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?

Probably. I think this happens to anyone who has a temper.

40. Have you ever been punched in the face?

Yes. No, it has nothing to do with Q15.

And To Think I Saw It In A Blue State!

My school district pulled Baseball Saved Us  from their recommended reading list (though OMG NOT THE LIBRARY THAT WOULD BE BANNING BUT THIS DEFINITELY ISN'T!!!!111) this week. Why, you ask?

The committee was asked to review the text in May after Peter and Wendy O'Brien objected to their second-grader being read the book aloud in class. It uses the term "Jap'' to make a point about prejudice.

The story revolves around a young Japanese/American boy whose family was forced to live in an American internment camp during World War II. O'Brien, who is Japanese-American, said the book offers a valuable lessons (gic -- nice local paper editing skillz, y0) about tolerance but a more appropriate book could be chosen for Grade 2.

I think it is worth noting that, as far as I can tell, no one has actually chosen or even suggested a more appropriate book to replace it. 

There isn't much else I can say until I've read the book in question. Guess what I'll be looking for this weekend?

Time to clean up a bit.

Stuff I've paperclipped to share with the class:

The Futurist is the next book on my TBR pile.
I like reading Dr. Sue every week, last Friday's was a particularly good one.
Another reason I wish I'd stayed unemployed long enough to go to BEA.
I'd pony up for the pay-per-view cage match.
Note to self, check this out next time I'm looking for online mag reading.
Laila on Lionel. Succinctly and well put.
Wise words from Sara Gran, pointed out by Gwenda.
Rapidly making its way up my hopes and dreams list:  Taking a certain UCLA Extension class.
Writer Beware's Victoria Strauss on, among other things, the recent Absolute Write crisis.
One of Lithuania's more interesting memorials.

And finally...this item from The Superficial is old, but it's staying clipped because I love, love, love this one sentence, which to my mind is better even than "firecrotch":

Kevin Federline complaining the house makes it hard for him to think is like a paraplegic complaining the hot weather makes it hard for him to run up the stairs.

Ahhhh.

Direct to you, from my chamber of horrors....

My father used to take my sister and me to baseball games a couple of times a summer, back when the Rochester Red Wings played at Silver Stadium and were the farm team for the Baltimore Orioles.  Sometime during the 1985 season, we went to a game and sat behind a very loud adult male fan who, in turn, happened to be sitting near a group of five kids. The kids' ringleader was maybe sixteen. He was dressed in white jeans and a white mesh shirt, as was the fashion back in those days.  He was also the only person seated in our section who was not deeply irritated by the obnoxious fan.  My dad guessed as to why that was, and he turned out to be correct.

After the jump is the resulting story. I wrote it when I was sixteen or seventeen -- so this is a nearly twenty year old deal. I've transcribed it 100% accurately, and that was rough. Amongst many other things, I was having sordid love affairs with the adverb back then. While kicking point of view to the curb. Ugh. After I click Save, I'm going to need to take a shower.

But reading it reminded me of that game, and of all the time I spent polishing the story, and I suppose being a junior in high school again for a little while is not a bad thing.

Anyway, click...if you dare.

While I wait for WoW to patch am just kinda sitting here....

Why haven't I seen much mention of Happyland? I got my July Harper's the other day and liked the first installment a lot. It's set in not-Ithaca, NY, which of course got me to thinking that someday, somewhere, someone will teach a Fiction of Western New York State class.  It's too much of a coincidence that CivilWarLand in Bad Decline and Happyland are set within an easy daytrip of each other.

Max has once again provided the admirable service of organizing book lust for everyone.

Erika's found a really interesting writing contest.

And one more, before I go give the downloader a kick -- this site, courtesy of MeFi, bumped up my day by a full notch all on its own. Scroll slowly, there's gold in them thar hills.

Yeah, there's someone I kinda hope reads this

Glancing through a mass email today, I was reminded...

Back when I was 23 or so, I interviewed for a job that would have been a lateral move into another department. I knew I was up against two other people. The hiring manager met with me on my lunch hour. We chatted pleasantly for a little while, and then something came up and she had to excuse herself.

It was about ten seconds after she left her desk that I noticed the top of her desk. On it was a ginormous, presentation-ready poster of the department hierarchy. Absolutely no squinting necessary. And in the slot for the position for which I was interviewing? The name of one of the other candidates.

To this day, I really wish that I'd called her on it when she returned to the office.

The lesson here? I really don't care if you think you're going to hurt my feelings. Just please, don't waste my time.

I still need to stop reading the Times

In case I didn't kill it in time: I had to retract a post because I forgot about the time-honored practice of giving plus size clothing lines another name.  Though I do find myself wondering...why is the plus jacket wool, and the regular jackets are seersucker? Ah well...not my $450.

Blog or Craigslist?

Despite the fact that it is a million uncomfortable degrees here and I am a sausage who lives with two amphibians, I'm in a good mood because I have a new idea that's waiting to be unpacked. It is MUCH easier for me to sit down and work on something when I have an idea, even when the idea is vague, than it is to confront a blank screen.

In the midst of the adrenaline I'm also remembering something else -- I really need to find a group of writers. Not a workshop, though if someone needs a readthrough and/or crit I'm happy to do it. More like a group of people who you can email, forum or IM with crazy can-I-bounce-this-off-of-you crap, who will ask you if you've read books you haven't read because they're reminded of it, and who will nag you from time to time about how the story's going -- thereby making you accountable. And who will expect the same in return. A coffee klatch, I guess, only without the coffee. Or coffee optional, I guess.

Anyone want to klatch?

Some moocow

Bud has a great post on Joyce this Bloomsday.

I spent a semester at University College Dublin (It's no longer on Stephen's Green) in 1991, around the same time this book came out. I'd read Portrait and Dubliners already, and halfway through reading this book I went out and got Ulysses and the Ellmann biography. (At the time, I got that Finnegans Wake would be more of a read aloud venture. I still think that.)

By the time spring break rolled around and it was time to hit the continent, I'd talked my travelling companion into adding Zurich to the itinerary -- at the time, Trieste would have been pretty tricky. Joyce's gravesite is, as they say, very close to Fluntern Zoo.

One thing that has always stayed with me about James Joyce and his work (warning: my $.02 is  pretty simplistic)...he spent most of his life in self-imposed exile, and he mostly wrote about the city he'd left behind -- which was also, a lot of the time, the city he felt had turned its back on him. As complex as his relationships were with those around him, you could argue that his relationship to the Dublin was really the keystone. (Actually, a lot of people HAVE argued that.)

At any rate, To Dance in the Wake was drifting around my TBR pile for some time, and now it's in play. Thanks, Steve! You saved me some hassle in figuring out what was next.

I'm going to found the United Church of Conciseness

The Lord be with you...and also with you your spirit.

Roman Catholic Church 1, editors 0.